I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
