I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize