when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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