just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
