So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
