yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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