went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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