Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize