Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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