They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
