Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I deserve this hangover.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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