he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
