In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ketchup is God's man juice
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize