my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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