between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize