Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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