just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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