Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
