Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
