i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
