the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
