What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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