I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
