We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We were destined to go to rehab together
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
