Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
