I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
