I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
