nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
