how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
