i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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