If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
