yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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