Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
