oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
