and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
