today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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