Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
