Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
