Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
