i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
