On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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