I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
