I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
