Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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