Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
