Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
