I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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