I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
where are my eyebrows?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
