watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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