Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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