I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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