I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
