I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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