brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
