I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
