Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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