He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
