I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
