Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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