I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
