If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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