If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
