Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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