You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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