wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
