Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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