Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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