This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
