Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
