Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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