You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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