my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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