I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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