I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
